curiosity is okay


Hi Reader,

How do you wash your hair?

When I travel to places with few black people, folks are so curious about my hair. Last time I was in Vietnam, people wanted to know if my hair is real. This time, in Sapa, someone asked me how I wash my hair.

I was in Sapa for a weekend on my way from Nagoya to London. At a random spot after a hike, a lady asked me how I wash my hair. I smiled and said, "The same way you do." Honestly, I used to get upset about questions like that or comments about my hair. I decided not to be annoyed anymore. Sometimes, I see people who look different than me, and I'm curious about them. Curiousity is okay. In fact, I think that it's essential that we recognize differences. It's the only way that we can appreciate it and notice injustices based on the ways we're different. To me, it's an issue of equity.

So instead of assuming that my hair repels water (which I've also come across in Australia), ask me if you're curious. ;) Just don't touch my hair without permission. And don't be surprised if you ask and I say no.

I used to think that questions about my hair were always a microagression. And occasionally, it is. But often, it's about curiosity. This is a place where we welcome and invite curiosity. So what questions do you have about me?

There are other situations where I do get upset and will be assertive. I’m sharing one of those on Sunday. Stay tuned.

Joyfully,
Damianne

PS: Here's an image post about Sapa:

Podcaster & Coach

Subscribe if you were forwarded this newsletter.
Unsubscribe · Preferences

Freedom Looks Like This

Get news and updates from Freedom Looks Like This for inspiration and strategies for your first or next solo trip.

Read more from Freedom Looks Like This

Hi Reader, Solo travel is transformative. I believe that. But I don't think it's the destinations doing the work. It's the small decisions. The ones that happen when there's no one else there to fill the silence or tell you what you want. Do I book even though I'm not sure it'll be worth it? Do I stop and talk to the stranger? Do I put my phone down? That's what episode 23 is about. 🎧 Traveling Alone Doesn't Change You. Your Decisions Do. Joyfully, Damianne P.S. If you enjoy the episode,...

Hi Reader, As I was leaving a coffee shop in Shirahama, Japan, a staff member stepped outside at the same time and said something to me in Japanese. My default (the one I've had for years) is to smile, nod, and keep moving. It's easier and less awkward. But this time I stopped. I asked what she said. And it turned out she spoke English. We stood on the street and had a proper little conversation. She'd had an English teacher from the Czech Republic. What are the odds? When I walked away, I...

Hi Reader, "No discount for you." Something felt off in that response. In fact, I was ready to give in, give up until the "for you" part of the response struck me as personal. I was at the reception of a hotel spa in Sapa, waiting to pay after the lady who did my treatment delivered the wrong combination of treatments. I asked for a discount because I didn’t get what I had reserved. I thought maybe the refusal was because I booked through Agoda. But I had moved the booking to the hotel and...