Hi Reader,

"No discount for you." Something felt off in that response. In fact, I was ready to give in, give up until the "for you" part of the response struck me as personal.

I was at the reception of a hotel spa in Sapa, waiting to pay after the lady who did my treatment delivered the wrong combination of treatments. I asked for a discount because I didn’t get what I had reserved.

I thought maybe the refusal was because I booked through Agoda. But I had moved the booking to the hotel and paid extra for an upgrade, so that didn't make any sense to me. And I was in Sapa, Vietnam, where discounts and special offers are quite normal. Many other hotels had offered me spa discounts. One hotel even tried to bargain with me for a room upgrade.

So I was trying to make the situation make sense. After all, I was asking for a discount because I hadn't gotten the spa treatment I reserved and wanted some consideration. Even an apology would have been good. So I was standing there, deciding how I was going to respond.

I don’t always respond the same way. Sometimes I let things go. Sometimes I stay in it. This time, I didn’t want to let it go. But I also didn’t want to be seen a certain way. I was thinking about how I might be read. As a Black woman and assumed American. And I didn’t want to fall into either of those.

So I was trying to be very measured. Clear, but not aggressive. Firm, but not escalating. I’m not always sure where that line is, but I thought I was making the right choice in that moment. I was staying in my body, and deciding in real time.

It wasn't just about what I was going to say, but who I was going to be in that interaction.

I shared the full story in the last episode. Listen here:

​https://freedomlookslikethis.com/im-constantly-deciding-if-to-say-something-or-let-it-go-when-traveling-alone/​

Joyfully,
Damianne

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