Hi Reader,

These last few weeks have been tough! My day job is as a project manager in an IT company. And although I consider myself an analytical person (I studied Maths and Computer Science after all), recent events at work have brought up all the feels.

About 6 weeks ago, roughly 160 people left the company. One of the people who resigned was someone that I worked closely with and shared responsibility in covering for our lead, who was on parental leave. I suddenly had a bunch of stuff dumped on my plate and felt rather overwhelmed. And around the same time, we have a meetup with a company division in Tulum, about 350 people. I couldn't decide if this would be a good thing or if everyone would be walking around with a cloud of doom. I certainly felt sad.

When I'm overwhelmed, my default is to succumb to one of two unhelpful behaviors. I buffer with Netflix or I overwork. In one, I escape. In the other, I hyper-focus on the things I can control, one task at a time. This happens until I can catch myself and practice self-care.

This time was different. I felt sad and a sense of loss, that feeling of grief. At first, I didn't understand what I was grieving at first. I needed a break. Fortunately, I had a trip planned to visit my cousin. We're the same age and lifelong friends. We talked, played Scrabble, went for walks, saw Wild Robot in the cinema, enjoyed an all-you-can-eat buffet of Asian food without going overboard. This gave me a chance to breathe. It created just enough space for me to be able to do the next important thing.

I needed to take some time to feel my emotions, to grieve the loss of so many of my colleagues, and to process my sadness. I also felt angry that I had so much work on my plate. While I love my job, it is not my entire life. I needed to remind myself of this.

If you’re familiar with the podcast, then you know that I’m a big fan of RAIN meditation for emotional self care. I kept doing this over and over again. I sat with my feelings once I'd recognized them, allowing them to be. Then, I investigated to find out what was causing those specific feelings. And finally, I nurtured myself, providing that self-care. Sometimes it was the words It’s OK, sweetheart. At other times, I'd rub my hands together, close my eyes while covering them with my warm palms, and just breathe. Physical activity also helped, getting on the station bike for a few minutes or going for a walk.

When you’re feeling dysregulated emotionally, 2 simple strategies can help you reconnect. One is RAIN meditation and the other is grounding in the present. To ground yourself in the present, do something that uses one of your five senses—touch, sight, smell, taste, hearing. For example, have a drink of water or notice your feet pressing against the ground. I used to wonder why it was so effective to give a cup of water to a crying child until I learned that grounding activities act as a type of interruption to the takeover of the amygdala (the brain's alarm system) by activating the prefrontal cortex (the brain's control center), which then helps with emotional regulation.

In my recent episode, I spoke to an executive coach Cathy Mott about tools to empower emotional intelligence. One of the tools that she shared is one for recognizing your emotions and processing them. Go take a listen and Let me know what you think.

Until next time,

Damianne

P.S. What’s going on for you right now? Are you feeling pretty balanced? Or are you going through a tough time? If you need some help, simply reply to this message.